"I freeze up in front of a camera"

"I'm terrified of being photographed"

"My pictures never turn out well, they always look so awkward and posed"

Do you relate to any of these?

As I’ve worked with clients in the last few years, I’ve often wondered: Why is it that even people who are incredibly successful in their personal and professional lives are so nervous about showing themselves in photos? Where do these feelings come from?

Our life experiences during our childhood and formative years often determine our default responses to a stressful or uncomfortable situation. Over time, we develop an inner voice which tells us a story about how the world works, and that becomes our coping strategy through life: whether it’s at work, in our relationships, or … in front of a camera. 

Here are the four common stories that our inner voice might repeat to us …

1. I'm not WORTHY

We live in a world where our worth is determined by our accomplishments: what we do, how much money we make, what we own, whether we’ve lived up to the life we’re supposed to. As a result, we’re constantly taught to question our own worthiness to experience anything that brings us joy and happiness.

But there’s a more systemic reason why so many of us feel unworthy of being seen or photographed.

Photography as a craft is about 200 years old. For the first 150 years of its existence, it required expensive gear, darkrooms and all kinds of facilities. As a result, it was the domain of the privileged, often wealthy white men, who often preferred specific body types: usually young, light-skinned, fit.

Because of this history, we have been conditioned to believe that only certain bodies are worthy of being photographed. These conventions keep repeating themselves in the media: ads, magazines, billboards and everywhere else, constantly reminding us how we fall short.

2. I’m not PERFECT

In the Instagram world, everything can and has to look perfect: your body, your hair, your outfits, your shoes, your home, your partner, your kids, your dog. It's exhausting because it's unattainable and unsustainable.

In my photography clients, I often see these manifestations of perfectionism.

"I need to lose weight"

"I'm too old"

"I have too many scars/wrinkles"

It’s not just Instagram, unfortunately. We’re bombarded constantly by messages and ads promising us that if we only buy this product or service, our life will be perfect. Perfection always seems just a little bit out of reach, and it’s tempting to chase it forever.

Brené Brown describes perfectionism as being “externally driven by a simple but potentially all-consuming question: What will people think?”

Perfectionists are worried not only about accomplishment, but about how it’s going to look to others. They’re worried about being shamed, judged or humiliated. The point of accomplishing something is often the avoidance of shame or humiliation, instead of the intrinsic rewards it provides.

I believe that vulnerability is the antidote to perfectionism, and the key to genuine connection, whether it's in your personal relationships or your business audience. When your audience sees you as human, they're more likely to feel truly connected to you and trust what you have to say to them.

3. I'm not SAFE

Safety is not just a physical need, it’s also emotional. Unless you’re a professional model, being in a photo shoot might be an unfamiliar experience for most of us. There are unfamiliar people, equipment, space, and through all of that, you’re supposed to be yourself and express your most vulnerable self? It’s scary!

Photography has an inherent power dynamic built into it. The photographer has power over the person being photographed. Factors such as race, gender and others can add to this power dynamic. When we are unaware of these dynamics or refuse to acknowledge and mitigate their impact, it contributes to the lack of safety.

For people who have grown up not fully feeling physically or emotionally safe, a photo shoot can bring up strong and challenging emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. It’s important for everyone involved to recognize and acknowledge those feelings and do what they can to create a safe, supportive container.

I'll share a lot more about this in future posts and articles, but to summarize, I bring several tools from the world of therapy and coaching to my photo sessions to help create that container for my clients. I work closely with a creative/intimacy director who specializes in creating those spaces and helping my clients advocate for what they truly want in their sessions.

4. I'm not FREE

We're surrounded by should. How we should look, how we should act. How we need to fit in.

Many of my clients who are women of color have told me how they've succeeded in the corporate world by hiding parts of who they are. They straightened their hair, gave up visible jewelry, and stuffed themselves into gray suits.

Now that they've reached a point in their lives where they want to express themselves fully: embrace their colorful culture, wear their hair natural and be who they are. But they’re anxious whether that might be perceived as being “too much.”

There are other ways in which this lack of freedom comes up. Many of my clients tell me, "I don't know how to pose."

We have this idea that the only way to be photographed is to stuff yourself in some standard poses that we see on Instagram or in fashion magazines. We forget our unique ways of expressing ourselves because of how we should look on camera.

My approach to posing is similar to my approach to everything else around sessions. I start with the question: What's the story you want to tell? and then we explore: How does your body tell that story? The poses that are true to who you are emerge from there.

What’s your default inner story?

Have you noticed one or more of these beliefs come up for you? Perhaps it’s not in front of the camera, but in a different situation, such is in your relationships or at work.

For example, imagine you have an opportunity to negotiate a promotion at your job. Do you have an inner voice that gets in your way? What does it say?

• I’m not WORTHY: I don’t deserve this promotion, I haven’t really done that much

• I’m not PERFECT: Let me do X, Y and Z more, then I’ll be ready to negotiate

• I’m not SAFE: What if I get fired or blacklisted for asking?

• I’m not FREE: I don’t know if I CAN. I’ve never heard of anyone doing it at my company.

The inner story you come up with in one aspect of life is often (not always) the same as other aspects of life.

Next time you get a case of anxiety in front of a camera, notice what’s coming up for you. What does your inner voice say?