“I’m not interested in being perfect any more”: Sherri’s photo session experience
Sherri Elliott-Yeary, aka “Zee” (Website) is a busy woman. She is an HR consultant, an author of seven books, and a world-renowned motivational speaker. Oh, and somewhere along the way, she helps a potato farm in the US stay legally compliant and ship their crop efficiently around the world. Now, she is pivoting to becoming a sex and intimacy coach and author via her alter ego “Zensual Gal” or “Zee”.
In this conversation, Sherri talks not only about her experience with the photo shoot, but also about her journey and what the shoot meant for her. This is one of the most honest and vulnerable interviews I’ve done with a client, with deep insights that apply to women of all ages.
The interview is summarized below, with a link to the full video at the end of the post.
What got you interested in doing this photo shoot?
I did a boudoir shoot a few months ago, in April 2021. While the photos were good, they weren't the quality and depth of what I was looking for. And then I saw the photos that you took of a friend of mine. Seeing the energy in those photos and knowing her so well, I thought it was magnificent. It jumped off the page right at me!
I have a new book coming out in 2022. It’s different from all the other books I’ve written so far, which have been all about business and motivational topics. This is my first sex and intimacy book; an area that I’m now actively pursuing and probably want to do so into retirement. It’s really important for me to set the stage for this new character I’m writing under: Zensual Gal.
When I saw that photo, I was instantly convinced that it was the energy I wanted in my own photos and writing. I was flying from London to Dallas to see my client, and I decided: Oh, I’m SO going to New York to work with Raj!
Wow, I’m so glad you took that leap. What did the mood board process feel like?
I didn’t know what the process was when I reached out to you, but I trusted that I’d know when it’s time. Also, I had never done a mood board before in my life. I’ve used Pinterest a little bit to pin recipes I like, so I was like: Gosh, I don’t know about this mood board thing. But let’s just go for it.
And before I knew it, I had 60 or 70 photos. I probably ended up on the number 69, because it’s my favorite!
Sherri’s mood board is a combination of relaxed sensuality and classy irreverence. View this board on Pinterest.
An auspicious number indeed. How did you go about finding the photos that worked for you?
It was an energetic process for me. I have learned to follow energy over the years, so I opened myself up to that and just followed photos that spoke to me. In your instructions, you suggested following photos I felt a connection to and also noticing photos I found myself pushing away from. I’m pretty good at following instructions, especially if I can trust the person giving them. Even though we had never met in person, I had seen you on camera several times and decided I’d follow your advice.
What was the planning session like?
The planning session brought up a lot of emotions from me, especially when I showed you photos from my session back in April. It reminded me that I had reactions to those photos that felt really big to me. I was reminded how there were some photos that made me feel too exposed, some that reminded me of when I was way heavier, and some that I just wouldn’t want today. At that time, it was a really big deal for me to be nude with somebody. And then here I am, showing them to you from a hotel lobby, and we’ve never even met!
As I was reflecting about the experience of the planning session, my body was expressing all sorts of feelings. I asked myself: Am I proud? Am I nervous? I realized I was actually nervous about the photo session. I had to ask myself why that was the case. Nudity is usually not a problem for me today. I can literally take my clothes off and walk down the street and be comfortable with that. I was nervous because I really wanted this shoot to mean something.
I’ve been working on this new book since my divorce almost 10 years ago. It started out as writing some erotica on the beach to my own soul, because someone no longer chose me. That was a huge message to me; I thought I was the perfect wife, the perfect professional, the perfect everything! And then all of a sudden, this person didn’t choose me any more. It just knocked my legs out from under me.
So I decided that I didn’t need to be perfect anymore. I was going to live my life differently, show that and be that in my photos.
There’s also another factor, my age. I’m 53. I have a 33 year old daughter and a 9 year old granddaughter. I want my granddaughter to grow up accepting and celebrating her body, not feeling ashamed like I did at 270 lbs a long time ago. That’s really important to me.
Wow, that is such a powerful message for women of all ages! Speaking of being nervous, how did the actual experience of the photo shoot go?
Before the session, I was concerned about having enough outfits. I was flying from London to Dallas to New York and then on to Canada. It was like packing for three different seasons. It was funny trying to pack for all of those, and then for the photo shoot, trying to make sure I had enough outfits. And then as you saw, we had way more than we needed and had time for! I got so concerned about the ‘enoughness’ that I didn’t notice when there was more than I needed.
When we got to the photo shoot, I was really nervous. By the time I could let myself drop into my body, I literally started crying as I leaned up against Crystal (the assistant and Intimacy Director for the session). She jokingly reminded me that I was going to ruin my makeup and that made me laugh and rebalanced me. Knowing Crystal from before helped really ground me. I’ve been her mentor for so long that it was a different connection for me to be in her care rather than the other way around.
After that, the three of us got in a little triangle on the couch and held hands as part of an opening ritual. That was really powerful for me. As someone who has been sexually abused, the slightest touch, especially from a man, can feel like a big deal. However, that ritual was enough of a connection where I could be comfortable and ready to do the shoot with you.
And when the first song started playing, I really started relaxing: Okay, this is fine, I can do this now.
During the session, you sometimes asked me to go back to memories that were uncomfortable and maybe sad, and you had me looking out of the window, it was easy to do that. I can tell the emotion when I look at those pictures now. For example, when I’m sitting on the couch and looking out of the window, I remember exactly what I was thinking about.
Having Crystal there as Intimacy Director was exceptionally helpful. She took care of the music, asked me what I needed next. There was a point when you asked me to seduce her. It was a really fun exercise and you were able to capture that. She was there to take care of all the little things so you could be so present with me. The resulting photos are the marriage of the two of you, the synergy that the two of you have that’s absolutely beautiful.
Thank you! What did it feel like to see your photos for the first time? Now that you’ve sat with them for a while, how has that changed for you?
Before the shoot, I told my husband that if I got one or two good ones, I’d be really, really happy. And then we had 69 photos and then some!
I shared the photo in the tub – the one with the vibrator and cigar – and told her, “I’d like to introduce you to Zee.” (I go by Zee - Zensual Gal). She responded: “That’s exactly what I have been reading in all your stories, there it is!”
Overall, we had way, way more than my expectations. Not only did we get the cover of my book, but we got the headshots, social media stuff and everything else! I even got some things that I want to work on in 2022.
Sherri thinks that this photo completely captures Zee, her sex and relationship coach alter ego.
Tell me a little bit about that. Are there photos that made you uncomfortable? How are you working with those?
I saw three of them when you shared them with me as a teaser. With one of them, I was like, Oh I don’t know if I like this one. I have a swelling condition, and it looked like my arms were swelling. I asked myself why I was swelling over.
When we did the photo reveal: I stopped breathing for a couple of minutes. Crystal pointed that out to me: you’re not breathing. There were some photos, especially when I was totally nude and laying in the tub, that felt really vulnerable. So I started journaling about it, asking myself: What is it about being so exposed that I want to be comfortable with? I can do that at a beach, so why is it so different being photographed? It’s a different perspective – like looking down on myself versus when you’re with a lover. I keep going back to the few photos that triggered me, because that’s where the learning and the juice really is for me.
Currently, I’m doing the work in bite-sized pieces. I go back to each one and ask myself: Where is that in my body? Where do I need to work on that? It’s all my body after all. If I can celebrate the good ones, why is it only one or two that I’ve been having a challenge with? I’ve started letting them out gradually on social media. My intent is to start sharing quite a few of them and seeing where that goes.
Would you recommend this experience to a friend? What would you tell them?
I would recommend 100%. I’d tell them to get ready to get really uncomfortable, because you’re going to have a growth experience, but it’s worth it. You have to be ready to want something new and different. It’s not a headshot, and that’s the beauty of it. If you want a headshot, go get a headshot. But in this experience, you’re going to learn about yourself, and the gold is on the other side of it. You’re going to see that in the photos at the end.
For example, when you did the shibari portion with me, I thought it was so crazy. It was one of the most uncomfortable things for me because I love to be in control. But I look at that photo and there’s so much emotion in there. I love the idea of getting uncomfortable because there’s a lot of growth and so much beauty in this process.
We did a set with some light shibari (rope bondage) at Sherri’s request. This was the first time she had ever had this powerful experience of surrender.
