“My vision of myself is different now” - Jackie’s personal branding experience
Jackie Jackson Daley is a sex and relationship coach helping her clients own who they are, and learn how to amplify it in the world. I worked with her recently and had a fantastic time bringing out her sparkling, joyful warm personality.
This blog post is a summarized version of the interview edited for clarity, with the full video at the end of this post.
Tell us more about sex and relationship coaching. What do you actually do?Who do you work with?
I work with all different wonderful variations of people and relationships. I do a lot of work helping people to move out of shame and the messages that they've gotten, whether it's societal or familial, about who they should look like as a sexual human being. I love the intersection of when people come together, such as couples or throuples. What does that look like when they're, the whole of their messaging comes together in one fun package to untangle? I love the untangling of all of that and helping people own who they are, and actually get to amplify it in the world and like, get really excited and greedy and about getting pleasure and intimacy.
How did you get into this type of coaching?
In a kind of funny way actually! Long, long ago, many moons ago, I was in graduate school for clinical psychology and I was planning to be a child psychologist. Soon after I had my first baby when I was writing my dissertation. He had some medical issues that meant I needed to be home with him long term, so at that point I didn't feel like I could really go and launch a career as a psychologist.
I decided to take a few years off, did a little soul searching, spent lots of wonderful time with my child, and then decided I need a job that's all about fun! Something that was not heavy, because my day to day is a little heavy. I started selling romance accessories…lubricants, sex toys, lingerie, all the things at an in-home party format. So I was basically like the old school Tupperware lady but for the bedroom!
It was so much fun and I did that for 20 years. I started to really love the deeper piece about being a sex educator. I wanted to help people open themselves up to new ideas, but it was such a limited conversation doing what I was doing because I would see them once, maybe they'd come back again at some point and purchase products from, but I never got to really know where it went which was a little unsatisfying for me.
Then, about eight years ago I started thinking about how much I really started to miss the psychology piece of things and I wonder if there's some wonderful, wild way that I could blend all of this together! And that's how I became a sex and relationship coach!
That's such a fascinating journey! What got you interested in doing this photo shoot?
Well, first of all, I saw some of your work! A fellow coach from my training program had posted pictures and I was like ohhh! Then I saw another person post their pictures and thought, those are totally different from that other person's pictures. What I noticed was that you capture their essence. It was not ‘this is what you do’, when you do website photos. It was like, ‘Here's this human for us to actually feel’ and that was so exciting to me.
So I put it in the back of my brain and then during the pandemic, I started thinking…I really need to update my website because it doesn't even show the accurate place that my office is anymore, and I'm lots of gray now and there's no gray in my photos, right? Like I'm a different person. And that's when I thought okay, now it's time to reach out to you.
What was the planning process like for you?
The planning process was immensely helpful. When you first said we are going to do this thing where you're going to create a mood board I was a little panicky about it to be honest, because I didn’t know what my mood board would look like. But it ended up being such a natural experience. I loved that you used Pinterest because it just allowed me to see something, have my eyes light on it and notice what I felt in my body. Once I picked something, Pinterest naturally gave me more ideas along that vein. It ended up being really fun and really creative. I tend to not think of myself as a creative person, but that allowed me to be very creative and I felt like it was actually my authentic voice coming out.
Jackie’s mood board was one of the most sensual I’ve ever worked with. It flowed through my body and I knew exactly what she wanted. Check out the complete board on Pinterest.
I have a lot of clients who don’t think of themselves as creative or artistic. How would you advise them to start with the mood board?
That's such a great question! I actually ended up going into one of my previous Pinterest boards for haircuts, because I thought there is something in those pictures that represents how my internal expression is being shown out to the world. I was hoping to see an energy or a style that draws me in and sure enough, that was my gateway.
If you already have a Pinterest board or swipe folder of things that you enjoy and that you love, even if it's just recipes, there's a reason you're drawn to those. It's not necessarily just the ingredients. Maybe it's the beauty or the way it makes you feel so that can be very helpful.
You had some anxiety come up before the session. Would you share what was going on for you?
I think at that point there was an internal battle between who I think I should be in the world and who I really want to be. I wanted to let my edginess come out to play and let the world see me in a very different way.
With my previous website, it was very safe and this work that I do is edgy work! I'm not accurately representing the experience or myself if I continue to play it safe, but that was really coming up in me.
I also think nervousness about my body image and how I would look in the photos and just nervousness about being exposed…even just to you. Like, ‘Here I am! Capture me’ was a scary thing to think about.
I think for me, there is a piece of it that is about age. I think that especially when I'm trying to bring sexy energy in my photos, I kind of have a finite idea of what that should look like or what's socially acceptable and older gray hair, very curvy, overweight body, maybe doesn't fit in that norm, and am I going to see these pictures and feel like I want to hide?.
With my previous website, it was very safe and this work that I do is edgy work! I'm not accurately representing the experience or myself if I continue to play it safe, but that was really coming up in me.
I also think nervousness about my body image and how I would look in the photos and just nervousness about being exposed…even just to you. Like, ‘Here I am! Capture me’ was a scary thing to think about.
I think for me, there is a piece of it that is about age. I think that especially when I'm trying to bring sexy energy in my photos, I kind of have a finite idea of what that should look like or what's socially acceptable and older gray hair, very curvy, overweight body, maybe doesn't fit in that norm, and am I going to see these pictures and feel like I want to hide?
What I think was really beautiful about what YOU did was you were able to show me how you saw me when we met for coffee. We sat together; we talked about the things that you felt energetically from me and my personality, the ways that you found me sexy and it was so affirming because then I felt like I was being seen authentically. I knew you were very authentic in your expression of it. It just allowed me to let go a little bit.
Thank you for sharing that. How did the day of the shoot go?
It was a long day! I was tired! But Oh my God, it was so worth it! It was so fun! It wasn't what I expected. I felt very much like I was a muse and you were just like, taken by different things that you saw on me. We went that way and then this way and then that way and it felt very flowy and easy.
It didn't feel formulaic at all, it just felt like we were in this wonderful moment and you're capturing me as I am, and it was fun. Having Kelly there really helped too. I felt like that was just so wonderful to have both of you there. You had your particular focus. She had her eye for like little minor tweaks that really just allowed me to settle down and into my body and it was a really great experience working with the two of you. You two work really really well together!
What was it like to first see your photos? Have those initial feelings changed in any way?
It was interesting. Some of the photos really felt like ‘Yes! That's me!’ but there were others that I was like, “Hmmm Is that me? Wow, I don't have that internal experience of me but I like what I see.”
I even went and asked my partner and asked some other people to look and they're like, “Oh, yeah, that's Jackie!” So that was really, really neat just to see how varied of a person I am and I didn't realize.
Sometimes when we think of ourselves, there's a little bit of narrowness to who we think we are and then I get to see the way the camera saw me and the way you saw me and it was just so diverse. So that's been very cool!
Overall, this shoot gave me a little more confidence and comfort in getting to be who I am and really just sharing all of those parts of myself. I just feel like I have more comfort than I did before.
Would you recommend this experience to a friend or colleague and if so, what would you tell them?
Yes! I absolutely would!
I would say really anybody should do this if they want to have an experience of learning a lot more about themselves and how beautiful they are, just as they are.
Beauty came when I was able to just let go of what I thought I ‘should’ be and instead was just in my body, just feeling myself. Being able to be captured in that way is something so special.
My vision of myself is different now, and I don't know how else I would have gotten that. I don't feel like this is one of those things that you should do because you need it for something. I think it's just great to do because it's like a gift you can give yourself!
